Having breakfast over greasy bacon, extra sweet coffee, and pancakes lathered in heaven sent syrup automatically has “great conversation” written all over it. These situations tend to be my most favorite, the ones that force you to talk, to communicate more than petty chats. When the lifelines are put to the side aka our phones, its crazy what can take place! I recommend the very same setting to you and a much needed breakfast date with the world put in a corner for just a little while. SO enjoyable.
As the morning conversations go on, somehow someway it was brought up about people that have played a role in my past. The type of person I claim to be is the “shut off emotions” type meaning that eh, I’ll just shove them down into this black hole hoping they will never see the light again. One of those work in progress things that needs to more progress and less “I’ll work on it eventually” – you get me, I’m sure.
So let’s talk about people who have taken pieces away from you that they can’t give back. The people that have left you feeling so empty its terrifying to reflect back on the thoughts that clouded your brain a few months or years ago. The feelings of never being good enough or never satisfying the desires of others that you so longed to fill. Gosh, if somehow you could write a letter to the person who made you feel so lonely yet act like you never handed it to them in the first place.
Please be one of those girls who acts normal, the ones who admit to the feelings I’m talking about instead of the robot ones who can’t seem to quite understand what feelings are. Tears have been shed over people who are so undeserving of them, and when you flip back a few chapters in your life story, it’s not a good place to revisit. How can it be when all you wanted from the start was to feel special from these people.
This is where the healing has to take place. You have to understand that the timing of God truly cant be comprehended. If I was able to understand why I went through the things that I voluntarily chose to do, I wouldn’t have to write this. I wouldn’t have the stories to tell nor would I have the words of wisdom that seem to be offered to any willing soul only from my experiences.
I wouldn’t be where I am today if it wasn’t for those people who have made you feel your lowest.
You’re strong now, stronger than you ever have been and there’s a sense of accomplishment tied to it indirectly. The feeling of taking on the world sweeps you off your feet when this time last month/last year, you fill it in, you only wanted to get a breath of fresh air.
Little by little.
Day by day.
You deserve to know what it’s like to heal, but what you deserve more than that is to feel like YOU MATTER.
Were you mad at God for so long that you couldn’t have it your way or did you finally grasp the trust that you were lacking in your walk with Him?
It’s like walking on a gravel road barefoot. It’s easier to not feel the pain of rocks stabbing in your feet when you’ve felt like that before huh? What if I told you that there’s an easier road to walk down… That deciding for yourself today is when you no longer have to feel unworthy.
One of the most exciting things about obedience is finding out later what God had in mind for you. Find out what He has for you!
“I am the daughter of a King who is not moved by the world, for my God is with me and goes before me. I do not fear because I am HIS”
Remember who you belong to and who will always pursue you MOST.